VAIN

VAINVAIN by Fisher Amelie

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I tried, I tried so hard with this book. I started reading it with my sister and then I gushed a lot about it, then I defended it from her and I finally gave up, hands thrown up and admitted that it could have been a better piece of crap. There were so many raving reviews on GR and we all know who’s never wrong, right? Now that was just one messed up sentence.

Can anyone blame me for expecting a little bit of Lana Del Rey’s Without You mixed in with a lot of Courtney Summers?

And you know, it was there. For the first three chapters.

VAIN starts out perfectly. NO other way to describe it. We meet Sophie Price.

You see, I’m one of the beautiful people. That truly sounds so odd to have to explain, but it’s the truth nonetheless. I’m beautiful, and it’s not because I have a healthy dose of self-esteem, though I have plenty of that. It’s obvious in the way I look in the mirror, yes, but even more obvious in the way everyone treats me. I rule this roost because I’m the most wanted by all the guys, and all the girls want to be my friend because of it.

She is a broken, horrible, vain, manipulative, drug-using, friend-abusing sex goddess. Just the kind of person I love reading about. Come on just look at the cover-

I happened to glance upon this book while perusing the newly introduced “New-Adult” genre. And my mind went Whoosh!

Girl gone crazy and drugsssssss. Me gusta.

Then there were the awesome reviews. I thought I was set for my contemporary fiction life.

And I jinxed it all. Problems started cropping up. After we are introduced to the heinous protagonist, we are directed towards her parents and it seemed the author wanted us to do the same with our negative emotions for Ms Price. Soon as her parents are introduced, Sophie turns into such a non-bitch. The book goes onto to describe the careless and ignorant parents that she has who couldn’t give a shit about anything other than appearances and each other. Price tells us repeatedly that she’s turned out the way she is only because of her parents’ neglect. We are “told” not “showed” after the first few chapters that she is a fucking bitch who doesn’t deserve anything good and that she will have to repent for it all in Uganda. I mean, had I not read the beginning of VAIN, I’d have pegged Sophie for a bitch wanna-be. So overall, while not the sole problem, the sudden character development was probably the most pressing one.

And take a look at this.

Every time I approached a door, he would speed ahead and make sure he was there to open it for me.
Every time I made the slightest mention I was hot, he was there with shade. If I was cold, his arms circled around me. If I was tired, he was there for me to lean on. He was sweet and attentive yet didn’t
overwhelm me. He was subtle.

Oh, yeah. Everyone’s subtle like a pirate these days.

Sweetheart, this is called subtlety.

Your heart is startlingly beautiful, Sophie
The cheesiness is killing me.

“What if I turned it off, waited a few hours then rang Pemmy myself later. That way we could guarantee ourselves the information?”
“That’s a brilliant thought.”

________________________________________

A definition of Brilliant from Oxford Dictionary:

brilliant
Pronunciation: /ˈbrɪlj(ə)nt/

Definition of brilliant
adjective

1.(of light or colour) very bright: brilliant sunshine illuminated the scene

2.exceptionally clever or talented: he was quite brilliant and was promoted almost at once the germ of a brilliant idea hit her

3.outstanding; impressive: his brilliant career at Harvard
____________________________________________________________

No, he wasn’t being sarcastic.

And he actually clutches his heart( not at this point but later on). I thought only old women with crabs in their hose did that.

As an American, I can definitely identify that my country has little to no idea what poverty really is. The worst living conditions I’d ever been exposed to back home pale in comparison. It’s literally embarrassing that we complain at all.

Now, I’m not an American. I’ve never been to the US but even I’m not so ignorant as to make that comment and get away with it. And believe me I harbor no special for this particular nation. But this is one of the most outrageous poverty myths out there regarding the US. Around 46.5 million people in America go starve any given day and more than 10.5 million are homeless. I won’t go so far as to liken the US to Uganda because there’s just no comparison. Uganda suffers in silence, much worse than the States but that doesn’t mean they don’t carry their own baggage. Well, I am not going to argue that Ms Price hasn’t been exposed. Obviously. But she shouldn’t assume the same for everyone.

You’re right but with extreme suffering, there is extreme happiness. With extreme earth there is extreme beauty.

There is an evil man named…

What exactly was she thinking whilst writhing these two extremely fucked-up sentences?

Now there was one piece that caught my eye despite being nothing unique. It’s probably because of this one portion that this book received 2 stars from me.

“No need to flatter me, Miss Price. I believe your bait worked. I’m hooked. Line and sinker.”
I eyed him, one brow raised. “I keep reeling you in, Ian Aberdeen, but you’re proving a difficult catch.”
“Nonsense. Utter crap. You snap your finger and I jump from water to boat.”
“Is that so?”
He nodded. “I’m still flopping at your feet, like a pathetic fool, awaiting your next move and severely out of breath.”
I inched closer, resting my forehead against his. “How about I put you out of your misery then, hmm?”
Ian narrowed his eyes at me. “It’s such a delicious agony though.”

And later on, there is this bloody moment when this woman uses up her last breath to deliver a very cheesy advertisement in favor of life and happiness. God, you are dying, woman! Deliver some secret password to some treasure or even your bank account number.

I’ve lived the most extraordinary life and I can genuinely say that I would wish this life on anyone. Even now. Even as I lay here staining the ground beneath us because it wasn’t what I had decided for myself. Promise me you’ll give it all to God and let Him decide it
for you. He’ll gift you no regrets.

Simply put, I had a lot, lot, lot of issues with this book, the foremost being that it did not deliver what I expected.

The ending was rather tedious, unreal and wrapped with a golden ribbon. Her despicable father goes all Mother Teresa and decides to reinvent himself because his daughter did. His actual words,” You’ve turned into a magnificent daughter and magnificent daughters deserved good fathers.” I probably don’t need to say this but that is 50 shades of fucked-up.

All that said, Goodreads you’ve let me down once again. And just why, why, why do I seem to be the only one?

And who in the name of all that is sacred to Regina George was Jerrick and why did he die and what did that have to do with the actual story?

doodle-230-mushu-attitude

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