When the World Was Flat( and we were in love)

whoa, this book was bad, dudes! but i came out of it unscathed and ready to review, so you won’t have to read it. bow before you savior!

Title: When the World Was Flat

Author: Ingrid Jonach

My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Find: Goodreads|Amazon

When the World Was Flat (and we were in love)here be a story

an elephant in outer space, meeting aliens and having neighborly quarrels. such a reforming and evocative thought!

here be a spoiler

but this is not that story. this story is a flimsy rendition of what it could have been.

here be some characters
all defined by their stereotypes

~mc:well-meaning, tired of the world protagonist, constantly making snarky comments about her mother and best friend. her name is lillie.

~best friend 1: the fat, ‘un-feminine’, nerdy girl with responsibilities. of course, when she does stray from label and starts to get some personality, it’s because it ain’t her at all. and that be a spoiler. her name is jo.

~best friend 2: the hot, slutty girl with various boyfriends who is constantly described by her sexual antics. she might be the one character i actually liked in the entire book. her name is sylv.

~mother: a hippie who doesn’t care about her daughter. her name i don’t remember.

~romantic interest: glacial eyes, brooding nature, i am a-swooning! kidding, oh goodness he’s the archetype of all heroes that have no personality. add the fact that he’s the one character lillie doesn’t make offensive remarks about and you have a recipe for warding off my sympathies.

~meangirl: the on prerequisite every YA book must mean. the girl who used to be good back in elementary school but with the rise of boobs and girl-competitions to conquer the most boys, she became a meanie and has been since. and so obviously she isn’t owed any human decency, and guys like tom can set up dates and then stand her up because she doesn’t have feelings, right? her name is melissa.

~the… useless?: this guy deliberately puts lillie’s life in jeopardy. she forgives him because it’s not like he was planning on killing her; he just wanted to have some fun, and if there were some acute perils involved and if there were girls screaming ‘noooo!’ in the car, well the peer pressure forced him. his name is jackson.

and these are the characters whose meaningless brooding, commentary, dancing, drama and, at the shame of using such a beautiful word on these vile folks, shenanigans fill up the first 60% of the novel. by this point i wasn’t even interested in the story but i wanted to finish and review it properly because sadly, my review to requests ratio on netgalley is pitiful.

here be the science

now that makes a lot more sense than the mashup going on in this book. science? who cares about the actual science? let’s bend a few rules so it’s easier for the vile protagonists to live a happily ever after, and let’s also create senseless obstacles because it isn’t a love story unless they’ve had face some face-offs with villains and troubles overcome. they actually try to dabble in string theory and the concept of parallel dimensions but the execution and extra tidbits of the author’s creation left me with a headache; after a certain point, i stopped trying to figure it out.

here be the plot

it’s a hole, it’s an asshole, it’s a PLOT HOLE! these are the kind of plot holes that one can’t fill with shirtless jared’s as they do in supernatural.

it’s a steaming mess that is iced over with fine sugar so we won’t see the crap underneath, unless you are emerging from that crap.

here be le confusion

It was a dead-behind-the-eyes look and in that split second we locked gazes he was as connected with me as Jo was with her femininity.

whatever she is trying to say here, me no dig.

I could see his face as if it were inches away, his broad cheekbones, straight nose and strong jawline, as symmetrical as you like.

did you guys know that people with uncannily symmetrical faces live terrible lives because others deem them untrustworthy? i learned of that in a story so much cooler than this one. poor tom. on that note, don’t waste your time on this book, go read that one.

the structure of the narrative lacks integrity and cohesiveness. you have to maintain a flow in the storytelling to keep the reader’s interest, is something i have learned over years of reading. you don’t jump from one timeframe to another, one anecdote to another, you bloody well finish one scene and then move on. and the writing! it’s filled with awkward similes and so underwhelming. in my non-professional opinion, it would have gone over well with me were it written in simplistic sentences. the piteous attempt at creative writing didn’t work out.

also, there’s a new algorithm added to my brain:

australia—-bad book
|
|
good book

this book? no recommendo.

review copy provided by the publishers.

Mushu_by_funlakota

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