Because it is totally not un-cool, banal and yada yada yada.
I’ve now lived upto 16 years, 1 month, 14 days or 5889 days. Which doesn’t really seem all that much in days format so! I’ve lived 141336 hourssssss. Which is 8480160 minutessssss. Finally, finally! it seems long enough to warrant a goddamn bucket list.
I’m not dying. Of foreseeable circumstances, in the foreseeable future, at least except the part where I’m 5889 days closer to death but let’s not be morbid or emo. That’s cool only in specific circumstances.
In any caseee: here’s mine-a list composed only moments ago, and evolving like the very world as it goes on, which is my attempt at making the fact sound cooler than it really is, being that I had no other post schedules, no ideas to review but there were views, and I wanted to cash on it. Argh see? That was tiresome. Have a pie.
There’s an Ugly Pie Company. For realsies.
You’re welcome for the exposure, El Segundo people and company managers! Even though you don’t deliver or take reservations. Actually, it’s good you don’t take reservations, because I HATE reserved seats. I mean, you’re hungry and in a restaurant and there’s an empty, clean table! No one is coming around to claim it and you wait, and wait, and wait for a fucking half-hour, in which time you coulda snacked and skedaddles, if you’d hurried but nooooooooooo! it is reserved.
Stupid people who reserve at stupid restaurants that reserve. You deserve all the ugly pie in the world, that is not only ugly but also tastes bad and DOES NOT come from Ugly Pie Company, because those suckers give out make-your-pizzas whose pictures are making me hungry.
Buttttt I digress! My bucket list! My impromptu bucket list!
1. Snow ball fights. Snow Angels. Anything to do with snow(except being caved in or getting stuck in a snow storm sans any rehabilitation).
2. A trip to the star. Also happens to be a book I’m reading, but that is neither here nor there. Basically, the trip I want involved me in a cup like dish being catapulted towards those glowy, flickery balls on a starry night. Of course, I never go beyond the biosphere, but it’s the trip I’m interested in. The short, painful trip.
3. Going to a University outside of India, or North India. Education is very important to me, and day by day, I have reservation about I’ll actually manage to be out of this shit-storm of a place that is North India. I have three disciplines, of which I want to pursue one: Psyschology, Anthropology, Archaeology.
4. Prague. Ze whole of France, Italy, Brazil during festivals. Colorful festivals. Mardi Gras. New York. I want to live, not visit, in all these places for a year or two or more each. Denmark. Scotland. Ireland. For these, I’d reserve months.
5. My own library that I flaunt but I shall never let you borrow! MWhahahaha! I shall tease you only. With a cup full of whipped cream.
6. My own bakery. The ability to bake properly. Esoteric, personal, hereditary recipes of desserts that I’ll collect from all around the world, and coax out of people. By this time, I’ll have foregone my evilness and zis shall be available to you all. Hell, for some of you, it might be free.
7. Run across rooftops, without any fear. A little known fact about me is that I’m scared of heights. But I love rooftops. Were it up to me, I’d live on rooptops(which is why I loved Rooftoppers so, whose review you can find around the blog). In rains and crackling heat. I’d run on rooftops in Mexico, Russia, Brazil, Berlin(where’s Berlin guys, I forget), France, Romania-o, like they do in movie.
8. Star in a German musical. Musicals bore me to death. Or sleep. Or re-runs of Friends. You can just grasp the gravity of this. But I once was a German movie/musical something like About the Looking for and Finding of Love. AND I really liked it, in that way that it is so bad it’s good, and other times, oh boy are they for real? good. And because I couldn’t understand the words of the songs(there weren’t subtitles for the songs), and their costumes were so hilarious, I wasn’t bored.
Oh look I found it!
You rock Google. And IMDB. I just figured out what those letters stand for. I also rock.
9. Give my nails an actual manicure. I’m ridiculously bad at painting nail, using liquid eyeliner, mascara etc etc. I’ve given up on eye makeup but for once, I’d like me nails. Proper nails.
10. Yo England-o! Troll the wayward streets of London, watery watery London dressed as a male Scottish pioneer. Because I love rains. Always rains. And I love them Scottish kilts and tartans and stuff.
11. Eat. And eat. AND EAT. AND EAT SO MUCH EVERYTHING ALWAYS EAT. Eat good things.
12. Be a cat that looks down on other cats. No kidding. No metaphors.
13. A youtube video. I want to gather up the courage, the words and do a video! I know it sounds so silly, because anybody could do it but argh! I speak better with my hands. My mouth gobbles up half the words of a sentence that I want to speak. I want to speak up about all these things I care about, or rigorously do NOT care about.
14. Destroy a pejorative social construct. Like with a figurative hammer. Or a literal one. The shiny, bald head of a greasy politician. Or not, because this is a false social construct. The worst of these politicians are not simply/solely greasy or bald. They can have a whole crop of hair. They’ve a greasy soul.
15. Ride on a willing, flying creature, for whom I’ve done a favor it is returning by letting my fly.
16. Fall in hopeless, mad, breathless, cliched, it’s-not-healthy-you-need-oewwwww I disgust myself. You could use me as Monster Repellent, Cool People Repellent, I am mulitpurpose, you know.
17. After having broken several hearts, all of whom remember me fondly over wine, now that enough time has passed because I’m too much of a chicken to have someone grieve because of me for a long period of time. Have someone grieve period, actually.
18. Close up this blog. Yikes-y!
19. Sex. Duh. DUH. Should this even be on the bucket list?
20. Climb a tall building in a metropolitan city, eat croissants or something while watching sunset even thought I hate pink suns, and scream about how much I hate Peter Pan, pink sunsets, bird calls.
21. Speak in quotes. As in quotes from books, movies, songs that pertain to my situation. Eventually, start speaking so profoundly at times that people WRITE IT DOWN. AND LOVE IT. AND REMEMBER IT. AND REPEAT IT(with due credit to me, of course).
22. Brighten someone’s day. A stranger, preferably, or a person I know in passing.
23. Skinny dipping in the Red Sea.
24. Work. (How boring can I seriously be?) As an anthropologist or archeologist or (the much more appealing, no sarcasm), a waitress in a coffer/tea shop/seaside restaurant, bar wench, bartender who takes shit from no one.
25. Slay or train dragons. Figuratively. Do something that begets the occasion of firecrackers and best clothes and cotton candies.
26. KIMONOSSSSSSS. KIMONOSSSSSSS. Wear kimonos and troll the mean streets of Chinatown with a cat in tow.
27. Converse in Russian and Czech. Without going through the torturous, tiresome, lengthy process of having to learn it.
28. Own a trampoline.
29. Write a terrific, subversive short story.
30. Think up how to move forward in this story I tell my brother at night: Grajeto, which is what I came when he started giving the story ridiculous names. It involves communism, ceremonial monarchy, dearth of resources, a cyborg-prince farming on a moon surrounded by deadly pink clouds who turns to RPG’s to survive his kind of life, cyborgism similar to vampirism in some aspects, a lake of saliva that is conducive to the reproduction/life cycle of insects but kills everything else, cyborg kids who turn into dragonfly/butterfly hybrid and live in a peanut butter factory, blah di dah it is lengthy.
You sat through that. Have some ugly pie.
There’s more where that came from: http://www.holytaco.com/25-ugly-pies/