Boomerang (Boomerang #1)

18869613Author: Noelle August
My rating: 1 of 5 stars
Shelves: Hot like meh, Creepy/crappy romance, Let me down

 
Welcome to Boomerang.com, the dating site for the millennial gen with its no-fuss, no-commitments matchups, and where work is steamier than any random hook-up

Mia Galliano is an aspiring filmmaker. Ethan Vance has just played his last game as a collegiate soccer star. They’re sharp, hungry for success, and they share a secret.

Last night, Ethan and Mia met at a bar, and, well . . . one thing led to another, which led to them waking up the next morning—together. Things turned awkward in a hurry when they found themselves sharing a post hookup taxi . . . to the same place: Boomerang headquarters.

What began as a powerful connection between them is treated to a cold shower courtesy of two major complications. First, Boomerang has a strict policy against co-worker dating. And second, they’re now competitors for only one job at the end of summer.

As their internships come to an end, will they manage to keep their eyes on the future and their hands off each other, or will the pull of attraction put them right back where they started?


 

borrring borrrrrrring borrrrrring

Zombies. Welcome to our generation of them brain-sucking undead oysters=> possibilities. The world is full to the brim of oysters, if you’re in the right place at the right time reading the right book.

Or should I rewrite that sentence with ‘wrongs’?

Books are turning me into zombies. What’s the one symptom of a zombie? Their language consists of a short vocabulary whose words they drawl like two-sizes short stretch/leather pants. As if they’re from the fucking 80’s.

Google giveth.

Not one to judge but why is that lady having an orgasm? Is this like an older version, realistic(relatively speaking) of Warm Bodies?

Sex and the City, smoking meat style.

But what I just said is so fucking offensive and narrow and ignorant, I’m going to separate my demographic on language basis. You speak Chinese? Review limited to people who speak Chinese. You speak Ancient Welsh?(why?)(teach me) For you only. Don’t kid yourself, there’s probably only one of you.

Anyways, Boomerang did all that and no more. No morrrrrre. No morrrrrrre. Nooooooo morrrrrrre. (Okay, so this wasn’t zombie; it’s Doctor Who style.)

With a cast of restrictive characters who are all hothothotheat and beautiful people with expressive eyes around every goddamn corner, this book blinded me with its whiteness. Its brilliance. My eyes are bleeding. And I wanted to pledge myself to eye donation camp, dammit!

Ethan and Mia couldn’t possibly be more boring. Or they could be. The wonders of the world surprise me; plus possibilities, for some people, aren’t an endangered species.

Most of their dialogue, or hell even their monologues, consist of the other: how they look so perfectly masculine/feminine, how gentle and kind, oh those eyes that express so much, oh zat passion. It seemed fucking clinical and rote. Like the author(s) were going through the motions of a romance novel. And while it may not be the case for them, this destroyed any chemistry that could be sizzling for me.

It was surface, and the surface, if it ain’t even manipulatively funny or ridiculous, pisses me off.

The writing is glorified. And by that I mean, it is unreal in its depiction and constructs every person, action, scene as so flawless, unblemished and hollywood. This is a trademark of romance novels I’ve hated.

And let’s not get started on the beautiful people. It’ll turn into a drinking game for an unlucky hap who’s looking for excuses to get intimate with the floor in an inebriated state. How come everyone is perfect? THIS LEVEL OF PERFECTION! This traditional beauty. I’ve never been able to buy it. Even as a kid, I remember scoffing at the definition of ugliness when it came to people, because it simple befuddled me. That girl in the glass with dark skin and cheeks like puff balls? Have you seen her smile, how she fucking glows? Yeah, so that boy may have a lot of acne scars and a big nose, but when he talks(and slightly spits), his speech makes you wonder why the room isn’t spontaneously combusting right now.

But all this book has-his chin is so perfect! yo rack is fabulous, girl! he was born in Armani! and of course, her face is so perfect she somehow looks less than beautiful. I don’t even get this.

I couldn’t buy into anything. Mia’s struggle for an independent start to her career seemed only a smokescreen; Ethan’s want for money to pay his rent and crap was dealt in an offhand manner. These issues were there one second, forgotten the next because their blazing hotness/attraction.

Let’s not even get into the cheesy, recycled lines they spout at the end. The turns in the plot that were predictable like you only wish your grades could be. (Oh goodness, PLEASE let me not fail the psychology test I errr… prepared for! Somewhat.)

On the other hand, I did like Ethan and Mia’s separate circles of friends and their boss. Their portrayals were banal, as well, and trite but they could be funny. And if it be funny, me dont give shits. Unfortunately, one of Mia’s friends just had to spout random peptalk shit-the kind friends don’t give you in real life, and that ruined her for me.

Eh, I can’t believe I didn’t love Boomerang, considering the urge I always got to read the hell out of this book that I always got whenever I saw its page on Goodreads. And I saw it a lot. Reality is disappointing. Which brings me to the question, Am I ever going to read Into the Still Blue?

Doubtful is my sixth middle name.

The ending rode off into the sunset with Mia and Ethan and so many more happenstance couples and everyone who read this book, and they left me behind. Gawd, I’m a hater. Let’s parrrr-tay, I’m gonna try my hands at cookies.

This is from the 21st century but whatever, you’re welcome.

Mushu_by_funlakota

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5 thoughts on “Boomerang (Boomerang #1)

  1. Are you sure Veronica Roth co-wrote this? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME, STUTI? I TRUSTED YOU. I NEEDED YOU TO LOVE THIS. We have similar tastes in fluff and I hate the pretty people syndrome. I don’t think I am going to love this book either *goes to a corner to cry her heart out*

    On a side note, read Into the Still Blue. It’s good. Really good. And I am so surprised that Roth, an author known for developing her characters well, failed to do so with this book :/

  2. The fact that what they all alk about is how the other is so beautiful turns me off, big-time. That sounds so off-putting, for real. It sounds unbelievable indeed that Roth co-worte this. One expects better, y’know? :/

    Faye at The Social Potato

  3. Ugh, ugh, ugh. This book sounds all kinds of annoying. I totally understand your anger about the perfection and beauty – unrealistically pretty people pop up all the time in fiction, so I can usually handle it, but this sounds way over the top. Thanks for letting me know to stay away from this one!

  4. You’ve got a stunning portrait of Rebecca Van Dyck. From a Levi’s Director of Marketing to Head of Marketing, Facebook, this lady must be a marketing genius.

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